


Light In The Empty

by Candeecake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 11:24:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candeecake/pseuds/Candeecake
Summary: Eileen is all he ever thinks about. All he dreams about. All he drinks about.





	Light In The Empty

I wish the bunker wasn’t so empty. I wish nobody died. I wish Eileen was still alive. I think about her often. And what could have been. She could create words with her hands and move mountains with her fierceness. I think about her chestnut hair and seashell smile. I play the part of peace. Peace by pretending to forgive Ketch but I will never forget. Lucifer has shown me what revenge is. For her, I chose forgiveness. For Jess, I chose vengeance.

 

But part of me always wished Ketch would have a painful death. Eileen was torn about by hellhounds. I hope he is torn about by angels. That way he can be betrayed by his belief and experience pain. I have never told my brother what I felt or thought. When she attacked me in the boiler room of the retirement home, I knew it was love at first sight. If things were different, maybe I could have had a life with her. Maybe she could have had a life.  

 

Sometimes I dream about being married to her. I wake up with her in my arms. She smiles at me making my heart beat faster.  I would sign words that would only belong to her. Only she would see. We would walk outside in the light garden breeze. There would be no monsters except only on movies. Movies with cuddling and blankets. Sometimes I dream about the wedding. She wears this amazing dress that makes me smile. Our vows are beautiful and tear-jerking. But when I wake up, it’s all gone.

 

But the sadness isn’t. I am so tempted to drown myself in bottles of whiskey. Dean keeps a supply because someone always dies and someone always lives. I always live. People who are close to us, get screwed. And then I screwed from the aftermath. I blame my father for this life. I blame angels. I blame...myself.

 

Thanks to her, I know how to sign. I know how to connect with more people, but maybe I shouldn’t.  Whenever I see people like her, I smile but feel empty inside. I never dare speak her name but only in dreams.  _ Eileen. _ Her name means light, I found out. She was my light but darkness overcame her. I wish the bunker wasn’t so empty. I wish my heart wasn’t so empty. I wish my light was still alive.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
